I was wandering around the internet (and my kitchen) today wondering what to do because I had no post to post for Femme Friday and then, just as I was about to pretend that today never happened I saw this prompt from Blog Chatter and thought, “Hey, I’m a femme aren’t I? Let’s do this thing!”
Would you ever like yourself if you met you? And my answer is a big flat NO!
That was my first reaction to this question. And I said it with such vehemence that I surprised myself. I’m not a judgemental person but I was judging myself so much in that second that I actually felt rather intimidated. And women do it all the time. I’ve asked a few guys this sentence (not this exact one though, more like “what do you think of yourself”) and not one of them thought less of themselves. In fact they thought a lot more about themselves than anyone with a non-judgemental eye would. And I wondered, why women, including some of my friends who are super achievers, think so less of themselves.
If a woman yells at someone she’s either on her period or she’s emotionally unstable. If a man yells he’s just behaving like the boss. If a woman refuses to date someone she’s gossiped about as a bitch or a nun but if a man does it he’s not spoken about badly at all. If a woman sleeps with someone she’s a whore, if a man does it he’s a stud.
Yes this has all been spoken about for eons now but has anything been done about it? Remember the Stanford Rapist? No, not student, the rapist. Look at what he’s getting away with. And the victim is hating herself right now, I’ll bet she feels unworthy because the system doesn’t think she’s worthy enough to protect, that her safety doesn’t matter.
We women all assume this don’t we? That we don’t matter? I know that’s what I think of myself. And I know a lot of women think that of themselves. And for absolutely no reason! If I did meet myself, I wouldn’t like myself because I don’t fit my idea of what I should be, which, ultimately, is a male version of myself. Or I need to excel so much at what I want to do that I have no time to think less of myself. But the question is, if I met myself as a completely different person would I like myself?
No, I’d wonder if I’m more intelligent than me, if I’ve read more books than me, if I am judging me and at the end of the day, I wouldn’t know what I thought of myself because I was too busy wondering what I thought of myself. Understand?
During these times do you know what I do? I eat cake and cry myself to sleep. Or if the cake is good I just eat some more and then cry because I’ve eaten too much and I hate myself now.
Do you have any solutions to this negative feeling?